Not Really Lost…

WALLPAPERS[RU]. Art Pack 07'2002Today is Mia’s would-be second birthday.  As last year, the days leading up to today have been difficult at best.  Crying.  Missing her more and more each day.  Wishing we could hold her one more time.  Longing…such unbelievable longing…to the point it becomes a physical ache in the pit of your stomach.

When I awoke this morning, I got out of bed and made my way to the living room.  There, my wife’s dog, Pumba (yes…he looks like Pumba from the Lion King), greeted me with that, “Uh-oh.  I’m gonna be in sooooooooo much trouble.” look.  And he was right.  Somehow we forgot to put him up last night, and he tore through the house.

When I was finally finished cleaning up his messes, both bodily and otherwise, I went to put on a pot of coffee.  Low and behold, I was out of creamer.  So, to the supermarket I went.  And the next challenge greeted me…an almost empty gas tank.  My first thought here was, “Really, Lena?  Again?”  So, to the gas station before the supermarket I went.

The gas station is where God and Mia let me know they were with us.

While I was pumping gas, a woman pulled up behind me and went in to pre-pay.  As she walked past me on her way back to her car, I didn’t even really look at her.  But I heard her.  She said, “Jesus.”  I thought to myself, “Did she just say that?  Did she just say Jesus?” So I turned and asked her, thinking she may need a prayer.  She said that she did call His name, but she didn’t need any prayer.  She was thanking Him for all He has done for her.  She was thanking Him for her blessings.

I hear you, Father.  His Spirit came over me like a cool drink of water on a hot Summer’s day.

I immediately told her that God sent her here for me this morning.  I told her about Mia and how we lost her last year.  That’s when He gave me His message…she told me that we didn’t lose Mia.  When you lose something, you can’t find it again.  “When someone says they ‘lose’ a family member,” she said, “they really haven’t.  You know where they are, and you’ll see them again.  He tells us not to be discouraged and have no fear.  You know where she is, and you’ll see her again.  So, she’s not lost.”

I started tearing up right there at the gas pump.  I thanked her soooo much for her blessing.  There’s no question that He sent her to me.  She told me I was welcome, then she said that she wasn’t even going to come to this gas station this morning.  I told her, “Really?  Well, I was only coming out for coffee creamer.”

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”  -Isaiah 41:10

It’s going to be a great day…Jesus.

Yes…I do listen to some secular music… This song by Train was on my heart when I woke up this morning.  We could use a few angels in our lives, don’t you think?

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5 responses to “Not Really Lost…

  1. i definitely feel more of an emotional connection and sorrow for the child i miscarried than for the child i aborted. sometimes i feel bad about that. but it is what it is. i think about how my life would be different. my living children i now love and care for wouldn’t be. so i just give God glory for gracing me with more kids to love.

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